"You Should Go and Love Yourself"

Posted Dated July 2nd, 2016

Even beginning this blog, I am having the hardest time sharing my experiences up until this point. I will start with expressing how frustrated, angry, and stuck I've felt for the past few months, especially last month. Everything seemed to have some sort of opposition against it. From my relationships to finances.... It seemed as if, I wasn't satisfied or could never feel totally satisfied with the way things were. Then I realized, it wasn't my outer circumstances that were the cause of my frustrations and anger, although it seemed to be. I didn't feel appreciated by the ones I care so deeply for. I felt blockages and stagnancy with my goals. I didn't have the resources or funds to do and buy the things I enjoyed. And felt like for whatever reason, this is my cup that I am offered and must get through it the best way I knew how. But I didn't have any idea how to.

Throughout the day, I pull Oracle Cards to help with meditating on messages that my angels may want me to know. On several occasions, I pulled one card in particular, "Relationship". This card speaks of the relationship that most serves an individual at the time, is the relationship with The Creator and self. I automatically assumed it was speaking of deepening my relationship with The Creator. Immediately, I got frustrated!!! I thought, "How is it that I'm being asked to work on the relationship between me and God? I thought I was doing that." Not once considering me and my relationship with myself. The truth is...... I have neglected the relationship with myself quite often. This comes off as not speaking up for myself, agreeing to things that I haven't considered how I would feel in doing them or may not want to do at all, or over extending myself way past the point of me being mentally, emotionally or physically DRAINED! I gave my power away quite often. I was very indecisive and hated making decisions. Although, it was my desire to be a Vegan, I often made food choices that I knew were not in alignment with what I wanted. It seem my life was nowhere in alignment to what I wanted, although I same some major changes within me. Truth of the matter..... I didn't love myself. And Spirit had a funny way of showing me this, Quite often, Justin Beiber's song, Love Yourself would blast from the speakers and even the mirror effect of how people treated me. At times, I felt like I should of been the star of that show, "Everybody Hates Chris".... But my way funnier version would of been called... "FML" (If you don't know what FML translates to, I'll help you out.... F*** My Life). Really, I could go on and on and on about the injustices I felt I was being served, but the point is I never realized, the state of my life was due to my inability to love myself.

As a woman, I have been thrown into a nurturing role where I learned to take care of everyone except myself, and if I dared did anything for myself more than what was expected, then I was considered selfish. I had to sacrificed. that what women do. Sacrifice for our families, spouses.... sacrifice our feelings and time. And I now know, that with sacrifices, expect to be crucified! Especially if the sacrifice is on behalf of someone or something else other than yourself. I very much felt crucified... I was drained and an emotion wreck. I know I said, I didn't want to go on and on about it, but I really want you to understand the massive effect that this had on me.

FAST FORWARD!!!!

TODAY April 11, 2017

I took my advice. I went and loved myself! The way the events unfolded and with the help of the Universe and its planetary alignment, triggered circumstances in my life where I chose me first. Things had gotten so catastrophic, I finally said, "Hey!!! Enough is enough!" I had gotten to the point that no matter what forward movement I attempted to make, it lead me back into the vicious cycle of self-sacrificing my own personal needs and desires.

You know what? Setting yourself free from things and people that no longer serve your highest good has to be the most liberating thing that you can do for yourself. Admitting that something isn't working and answering the call to your hearts call, can lead to some pretty amazing things. The Universe has a way of smiling on you when you decide to listen to your heart. Because in your heart is where God resides. That small voice that tries to get your attention.... Yep, that voice knows what's best. It is time to start trusting it.

I am in a new phase in my life where I am truly relying on that voice, and it is a bit scary because now I have to take full accountability for whatever it says and if I should honor it. Through experience though, I now have the wisdom and understanding of what is trustworthy and what is not.

I will say this though, by following my heart and loving myself enough not to allow anything or anyone to heart me again, some pretty amazing things have happened. I don't have anything to worry about. My basic needs are met, I have people in my life who are very encouraging, positive and supportive. I am surrounded by like-minded people. And over-all, I am HAPPY. Free!!

I don't know what the future has in store, but I am trusting that it is for my highest good.

I'm excited! I know I got this! We GOT THIS!!

Casting off until next time..

Elocin Ned'RAH (The LOVE Child)

Oh yeah, and I am a lot more open and transparent about sharing my life now. Simply by loving myself. I realize I am enough. And I am worthy and deserving.